{{NSFW}}
Thousands of miles away from the incident in Tokyo a fat, deformed boy named Brandon (also known as Sinon) sat staring at his computer screen, reading a news report of the attack. “A crazed lunatic fueled by the sheer high of marijuana caused total carnage in Tokyo today over a girl harassing him,” the report read. “Her constant harassment of the poor lunatic took place on the website/hacker known as Tee-Pee-Double-You-See and Discord. This attack serves as a grim reminder why cyberbullying is a major problem that needs to be tackled. Let us turn our attention to the story of Amanda Todd-”
Sinon stopped reading there. He sighed, which somehow made him look even more like a mashed potato. Go figure. Sinon knew deep down who had orchestrated the Tokyo bullshit, having been in the very chatroom that started the whole mess. He had been harassed constantly, too. Like being called a weeb, not getting promoted to chat moderator, and getting called out for the time he spammed gay porn in the chatroom. For like, nearly a month straight. You don’t fucking know mayhem until you have to watch as people exhaust all resources and get into all sorts of drama over dicks getting inserted into assholes.
But Sinon had changed, or so the fat bastard had thought. Yet he still constantly got harassed. Though it wasn’t only from Sard, like it was with Celtic. Oh yeah, fuck the whole “not mentioning the names of the people directly involved in the last story so you can have a Captain America ‘I understood that reference’ moment” thing. It got cut, just like Actual Conservative Man. Fuck that guy.
Anyways, considering how I’m really getting off track with this shit, Sinon logged onto the TPWC Discord server. Everyone on chat was talking about the attack. Sinon observed briefly for a moment, then typed, “wow guys this was really bad huh?”
“Kill yourself, you deformed retard,” Rookie responded.
“And livestream it, you gay piece of shit,” typed Anime.
“Five Finger Death Punch is shit. Have you listened to Last Days of Humanity recently? Thinking emoji,” replied Sard.
Sinon was starting to get pissed. “C’mon,” he typed. “I’m not gay just because I got mad and spammed a shitton of gay porn that I totally didn’t have saved! And I only wore that shirt ironically!”
“You’re still a deformed freak who deserves death thinking emoji,” typed Sard.
“IT’S JUST A FUCKING OVERBITE! FUCK YOU BITCH! NOW I KNOW WHY CELTIC WAS SO MAD!”
“What are you gonna do, Sinon?” Anime asked. “Spam the server with your gay scat porn?”
“You know what, I WILL YOU FUCKHEADS!” Sinon opened his massive folder full of the shit and copied.
“God dammit, Anime. Why the fuck did you give him ideas? You know he relies on everyone else!” Rookie typed before the server turned into an online Centralia. Except instead of a coal mine fire that got out of hand and literally almost sucked an eleven year old to what was basically hell, you get Sinon overloading chat with a black man pounding a white man in the ass.
Sinon has a one-track mind, so he spent fifteen minutes spamming the porn when he realized the server had been abandoned. He stopped with a sigh. Foiled again. Except… OwO what’s this? (THAT WAS IRONIC YOU DWEEBS!) Someone was still in chat. Let me just spin this wheel and we’ll see who it is. Ah! Carter! And the second Sinon had stopped spamming, Carter had posted a video.
The video showed Carter initially finishing a rant against Sard and her spamming of mutilated penises. (“God I wish that were me.”) The second he finished however, Sinon was already five minutes into his attack. Carter’s eyes instantly melted. A bloodcurdling scream was heard that almost destroyed Sinon’s eardrums. Then, the skin melted from Carter’s body, along with the muscles and tissues and organs until there was just a skeleton. Finally, the skeleton disintegrated into a pile of dust. The video ended and a message appeared saying “CARTER HAS DIED.”
At first, Sinon thought the Ark of the Covenant had been opened because Sinon is gay and doesn’t realize that his own fucking gay porn would cause this. Then it finally dawned upon Sinon what it was that he had been doing. “Holy shit,” he realized. “If my gay porn can kill people, then I can kill everyone who ever went onto TPWC!”
Sinon’s first target would be Rookie, because Sinon somehow knows this will end up being a kind-of parody of the Marvel Cinematic Universe and he wants to limit creator cameos as much as possible.
He tracked down Rookie all the way to Colorado, where he was busy writing out the rest of this story. “All right,” Sinon laughed quietly from his hiding place. “I’ve got some of the gayest black porn you can find on the Internet. He’ll be dead in no time!”
“Should I give SG the abilities of Dr. Manhattan or just make him a regular political figure in the next one?” Rookie muttered, having not noticed Sinon. “Because it would seem that giving him the powers of Dr. Manhattan would make it seem like I suck his dick or someth- AAAAAHH WHAT THE HELL?”
Sinon sprung out from his hiding place, shoving the porn in his face numerous times consecutively. Just like Carter, Rookie disintegrated instantly.
Sinon realized that the rest of his wonderful tale that will probably end up being the worst out of all these stories could not continue with Rookie dead. I know, it sucks and it’s totally vain to be resurrected despite being killed off, even though that happened with Celtic. But you gotta do what you gotta do.
Sinon does manage to kill Anime and a few other users, though. Stop flipping your computer screen off, Anime. It had to be done.
Sinon had killed enough TPWC users to the point where he was getting arrogant. “I can take over the world with these pictures!” he said one day. “I’m unstoppable! I’m like a god with this ability to kill people just by being my gay self! I’m gonna take this potato chip… AND EAT IT!” Sinon picked up the potato chip to dramatic music and took a bite, sending sparkles through the air. The world of Japanese anime, man, isn’t it fucking weird?
Sinon knew exactly what he had to do. As a fat retard, he was tired of being ridiculed by the world. He was tired of being called fat. He was tired of people thanking him for his service in the military because his face really was that deformed. He was tired of being ridiculed for spamming gay porn over a month, causing a shitton of additional other drama, confusing his sock accounts with his actual socks, and actually having that porn saved in the first place. No, Sinon knew full well what he had to do.
He was going to hijack the Internet using the big giant Internet building that totally isn’t made up. Sinon would infiltrate the building, use his Channel 4 hacker skills, and turn the Internet into a virus that keeps opening windows of gay porn. Therefore, all those Internet cyberbullies (fuck that word honest to god fuck that word) and trolls would instantly die. It was a perfect plan that no one could stop.
Except for someone like SG, that is. After the heroic incident that totally had nothing to do with genocide in Albania, SG had vowed himself to protecting the world from the threats of cancer using powers that will be explained in the next story. This threat was one of many to the human race. SG flew from Albania over to the big giant Internet building that totally isn’t made up to stop Sinon.
It looked as if he might have been too late. Sinon had already sat on, and therefore killed, about 95% of the guards in the facility. He was approaching the motherboard for the Internet. I swear to fucking Christ I did not make any of this up. I worked as an intern there. And I’ve seen shit that interns aren’t supposed to see, dammit!
Anyways, Sinon pulled out a flash drive where he had saved all of the gay porn. He plugged it into the motherboard and began coding the virus.
SG barely made it in the nick of time. He ripped the roof off the big giant Internet building that totally isn’t made up and snagged Sinon. “You won’t turn the Internet into a gay shock virus!” SG yelled. “I have to watch my fair share of Peppermint Patty trap videos, you fucking sockmaster!”
“I’m writing a puppet show featuring my newest socks,” Sinon said. “It’s a full reenactment of Hamle-”
SG punched Sinon in his deformed face, somehow fixing his overbite. Sinon punched and kicked back. The two went at it in the air for a while, slamming into citizens and buildings as they went. Think of the shit that went down in Man of Steel, except instead of Superman and Zod, you get le Greke man in a Peppermint Patty costume fighting a deformed fuckface dressed like Numbah Two from Kids Next Door. SG slammed Sinon into the road repeatedly, making massive craters. Somehow, though, the potholes in Colorado Springs manage to fuck up traffic more than the shit SG’s doing. Sinon answered this by kicking SG in the penis multiple times, then giving him a right hook in the face. SG immediately reeled back, picked Sinon up, and threw him into a gas truck, causing a massive explosion. SG flew overhead as Sinon emerged from the flames.
“I don’t know why I even bothered fighting you,” Sinon started.
“Neither do I. You punch like a 90 year old pacifist who forgot what a fist is,” SG interrupted
“No. Well, I do, but why should I bother with physical attacks when I can just show you some GAY SCAT FURRY LOLI PORN!” Sinon screamed.
“Holy shit, does that even exist?” SG asked.
“Of course. I drew it myself,” Sinon answered. Then he immediately began throwing them at SG.
It was hell. SG was completely surrounded, and a little voice in his head kept demanding for him to open his eyes and take it all in. That’s when he remembered the strategy that had worked the first time. And he knew it would work again. Because Sinon’s really gullible and shit.
“Sinon, pal, why don’t you stop spamming that gay porn? We’ll make all the people who wronged you say sorry,” SG baited.
“No,” Sinon said, throwing more porn at SG.
“I promise, Sinon, I’ll get everyone to treat you with respect forever and ever,” SG said in an overly sweet voice.
“I wanna be chat mod. Can I be chat mod?” Sinon began to dance excitedly.
“Uh, sure.”
“OH BOY OH BOY OH BOOOOOOY!” Sinon immediately collected all the porn around SG, then held out his hand, expecting his moderator badge. “Well, buddy? Can I be mod yet?”
SG responded with a swift kick in the balls that sent him careening down through a Starbucks.
“Oh my god, was there furry porn in there?” a voice said. “I’m JC. Would you mind helping me finish my trilogy?”
The cops arrived just then, separating the alliance that’ll somehow be reunited when we get to the Avengers knockoff. The police chief walked up to Sinon with a glare on his face. “Mister Sigh Non,” he bellowed. “How dare you spam chat! You will be in jail for one million dollars.”
“That doesn’t even make sense,” Sinon said.
“TWO MILLION, YOU GAY!” The police hauled him into the police car and off to jail.
SG disappeared shortly after that, returning to his job of monitoring the world for any signs of cringe, homosexuality, or flat out autism. So, how about we don’t tell him this entire thing exists, huh?
Meanwhile, miles away, in Tokyo, the earth began to shake violently. A man, glowing completely green, rose from the very ground.
“Negron… always… gets… away… with… IT!” he roared, flying off into the distance. Please don’t roll your eyes or leave me a bad review because I killed Celtic off then resurrected him twice. In the span of three shitty trollpastas. I promise Celtic won’t die again. I promise.
119 people died. Jesus Christ, Sinon, you’re such a failure you couldn’t even hit the four digit mark?